I Am No Son of Disappointment

Not that I imagine to have it down perfectly, but it has taken me 26 life years to learn to stop yelling at myself mentally. I have outgrown its bit of usefulness. I am not a child that requires rules and ultimatums but a man that requires validating words spoken from a loving heart.

I do not have less things to accomplish, in fact I have more, but these works are not to be done by someone beaten down but one esteemed for noble use, confident enough to recognize the benefit of healthy change and confident enough to make it happen. I am that person.

I am no son of disappointment

There is a destructive tendency of self-critique inside of me everything within wishes to kill. I have tried to kill this demon so many ways in the past: making myself into a machine devoted to working and the pursuit of money, Eastern-style meditation and attempting to present myself as an infinite well of useful knowledge (ie. How to mix the perfect cocktail or throw the best rave), but pursuits fell short. Shorter than short and even shorter than that.

I always ended up tired, rigid, exposed and alone, because there are no human-sized fig leaves. There is not enough stuff in this world to fill the black hole one's heart becomes without Christ. There is not  enough sex, with enough women on enough islands replete with enough narcotics to give us enough amnesia of who we are eternally without Jesus—broken and jacked up, though through Christ we can be redeemed, as in get back our worth from the hands of the one that pretended to be our friend. His name is Satan, maybe you've worked with him. You don't have to any longer.

Don't destroy yourself in your attempt to redeem yourself. Let Jesus do that for you.

“I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ”
-Philippians 3:8

In Him,

Jean-Marc

Back to home page

I Don't Need You To Love Me

Every relationship in a man's life will boil down to one question: “How much do you need me?”

I have been hit it in the face, I have been choked, kicked and tackled—but I have never felt as harsh a pain as rejection.

There is a prayer group that meets on the university campus weekly, in the hope God would one day bring about a mighty revival in our region. People will show up some days, people will not show up some days, as is the commitment of young college students. No one showing up is not what bothers me, ignoring me does. For some reason, people with which I never had a meaningful relationship, will straight-up avoid me, and pretend I am not alive, walking through me. Is this high school?

I have people in my life, that I once called friends, but for some reason, refuse to accept any mode of communication from me, so I take the hint, ejecting them from my life forever.

Time after time, I have found myself the object of some scandal: people assuming malicious intent on my part for something or other, and the result is them avoiding me. Not very good for a self-described extrovert—it can feel like hell—and all this from folks I'm supposed to spend eternity with!

Sometimes we feel like social lepers, like we have a disease.

Rejection eats you from the inside, spreads through the blood stream and ultimately dulls the brain. The body becomes an impersonal shell the sufferer propels through ambulation. Emotion becomes something fake, because the truth is you don't really feel anything—you've already felt too much.

Typical viruses last days, as does the flu, but the pangs of forceful exclusion from another's life don't really have an expiration date. You never really know when you are getting better, since emotions don't follow rigid logic or treatment plans, they move sporadically like the rise and fall of ocean waves.

As safeguards, we can learn to build personas like “Everything's A-OK ” Guy, or “Holy Bible Preacher” Man or Mr. “I'm Never Offended/ I Don't Care.” These never solve the problem, they just provide ample soil for the weeds of resentment to sprout.

So I am choosing to do, what most men hate to: I will admit my hurt to God (and my inner circle) and give ultimately give it up to Him.

A well-respected Man of God once noted, in 1 Corinthians 15:58, the Apostle Paul said “Let nothing move you”, not let nothing hurt you. We hurt regularly, but we do not die.

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed “

-2 Corinthians 4:8-9

There is a unique community amongst the persons of the Trinity: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, a community of strength, support and power. Christians are people that are always accepted and never alone.

Something unexplainable occurs when we decide to live life in-light of the Cross. We are reminded that being rejected is not strange (1 Peter 4:12), and being ignored is not the end of the world.

In Him,

Jean-Marc

Back to home page

You Don't Know the Gospel

An angel with a sword on fire.

It all starts with an angel holding a sword on fire.

In this moment, I would like you to do something: be aware of the clothes you're wearing. Feel the weight of your cotton blend shirt upon your chest, let the snugness of your jeans itch a little bit.

Then imagine all of your clothing forcibly ripped off of your body, not a shred left. You are then pushed out of your home, to walk. How do you feel? Do you feel a bit cold?

Imagine walking slowly, pathetically naked, except for the wetness of a slaughtered animal on your body. The fat rubs upon your back as you walk barefoot upon wild foliage that crunches damply beneath you. Something is dripping off your arm, it is blood, running off the dead creature, pooling at your elbow, the uncomfortable feeling tells you to rub it off, you do so, onto your stomach.

You're walking through the wilderness with the only person you have ever known, but you don't know where or how far. You see their face, riddled with shame, you know they've let you down, but you're wearing the same dead animal they are, you let them down. This new thing, this discomfort, is too much to take, so you turn around.

And then you see it, then you remember. There flies the glowing angel with the flaming sword, striking the air in all directions, keeping you permanently away from your home. It was sent by the Voice from the Sky. The Great God that brought you here and gave you another person to speak with and keep warm, has ruined things. He wasn't always a voice, He used to be a part of your daily life, delighting in your new discoveries, providing for your freedom and safety, however there is a distance now.

You stand, looking for something familiar, even a rock, behind the swing of the powerful sword. And you are tempted to try running toward the paradise of Eden, but you know IF you make it, only half of you will get there. The other half of your body will wait for death. There you are, two sad people, hoping for paradise you can not reach.

But if you had the mind of God, you wouldn't despair. He sees the futility of your thoughts and attempts, He has a plan. Out of all the forests of all the trees around the globe, He counts one special, in a place far away. Its descendents will be split open and ripped apart, shaved down by tyrants and fastened together in an odd shape, where the beams intersect, they will call it a 'cross' one day. His Son, Jesus Christ, will die on one. Not too far from that tree, grazes a herd of cattle. Men will recognize the toughness of their skin and use it to create clothing, writing materials and whips, like the one His Son will feel.

No, there is no way for you to cross past the Lord's Guardian to paradise, without dying. So His Son will do it. He will launch himself into the path of the sword, so you can cross back over into the land of Good Favor. Then He will miraculously pick Himself up off the grass, forgive you for His death and guide you both, man and woman, back to Eden, to the Home you have been missing.

This is not something you did.

This is The Gospel.

Genesis 3.

In Him,

Jean-Marc

*This reflection was inspired by the teaching of Pastor Chan Kilgore.

Back to home page

The Necessity of Quitting Guilt

Back to home page

Burnout is a sneaky problem, because we, so many times fail to see it at all.

About a half-year into my experience here in FL, things had honestly gotten rough: I had no close relationships outside my immediate family, no home church, and school everyday. Any free time I had was spent on odd jobs and teaching. I was rest-less.

I regularly attended a bi-monthly Friday Bible Study, but with a sense of disappointment: I was preaching at different churches every Sunday with none to call home. Expressing
general frustration about my life to a brother present, he made the most radical suggestion:

“Maybe you should quit”

“Quit?” My mind couldn't grasp the concept. I was a servant of the Most High God in a world going to Hell with the speed of a rocket pack strapped to its back. How could I leave my responsibilities? His answer was simple:

“If you keep going like this, you're gonna break”

He was right: I was as critical as an Olympic gymnastics judge and as miserable as a movie theater-mopper.

I told him that he made a good point and I later asked God about it. That night, God gave me two visions affirming my exit from two monthly engagements. So, I woke up, called up both leaders...AND QUIT.

Faith without works is dead, but works without faith (and rest) makes a zombie.

Some of you can't even fathom the move of quitting. Even reading this, some of you will brush it off, but consider this truth: “All extremes are dysfunctional.”

Sometimes we construct for ourselves a world, a world of half-microwaved phrases—“winners never quit,” “quitters never win,” and “a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”—a world of extremes, fantasy, and carelessness.

A wise man once said that in ministry and life there will be five “no's” for every “yes,” which means we can't do everything for everyone.

Is your time being used wisely? What is motivating your decisions to overload: is it passion for what God is doing or guilt for what you are not?

“Your day is a well, you only have 24 hours to draw from. At the end of the day, it will be gone.
Life is not always a choice between bad and good, but often between good and better”
-T. Dilena

In my situation, I was only supplementing what established leaders were doing weekly. I still kept my preaching gigs at churches by the university and other ministry commitments; it just became clear where I was needed. In the other locales, the leadership didn't want me there (for theological differences), the students were unresponsive and my times to speak were regularly canceled. I firmly believe in work that is hard and worthwhile, but work that's pointless...no thanks.

Be motivated by the Holy Spirit and seeing people's lives change, not guilt. Remember that you are not Jesus, and even He took a break (Mark 7:24)

“a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away '
-Ecclesiastes 3:5-6

In Him,

Jean-Marc


Back to home page

iRepent: Luke Living through the Holy Spirit

Back to home page

There was once a man that visited a mega church, but this one was a little different. The summer weather, having taken a grievous toll on parishioners, led the church to distribute water bottles to those entering one Sunday morning.

The refreshment team seemed to consist of one hard worker. This middle-aged gentleman looked ragged, but performed his duty with the utmost care. His job was to wipe the water sweat off each bottle, wrap it in a napkin and hand it to each person entering. The visitor, seeing what care the man put into the task, began to inquire about him to the church's pastor.

“Oh, that guy,” the pastor began “he's worth a lot of money”
The visitor stood nonplussed, “what do you mean?”
“He is the top neurosurgeon in the region and State”
“Really?”
“Yep, he owns several practices all over, one of the best in the country”
“You don't say.”
“Yep, his net worth is estimated to be in the millions, he's a millionaire!”

True Story.

In the Bible there was another physician named Lucas or Luke. You must understand that in the environment of the ancient Hellenistic world, it was very common for people to be illiterate, especially women. But here is Luke, a man educated to the point of being a doctor. And he uses those years of education to serve others, namely the apostle Paul.

Luke wrote the books of Luke and Acts, but you wouldn't know it because he doesn't talk about himself. In fact, the only reason he is mentioned in the Bible at all is because Paul brings him up three times. What humility--that I don't have.

Through our education and into our chosen fields of occupation, we many times unconsciously, size people up in terms of how much they can do for us, or how we can surpass them. Many of us are raised on this ideology, the reason we are not to behave in a certain way is because we don't want to be or look like “those people,” whoever they are. We are taught to be better.

Luke could have started multiple practices, made a name for himself, surrounded himself with a harem of beautiful women, or even run for Roman government (he was a Gentile, or non-Jew by birth), instead he chose to be a co-worker with Paul, a fiery preacher that was regularly arrested, stoned, beaten, dragged and cursed out. One's choice of company speaks volumes.

What does your circle of friends say about you? If you're like many of us, your circle is strategically built to ensure the consistent flow of money, power, praise and position. I pray we all would be more like Jesus. It is by the power of His Holy Spirit that Luke didn't look down on others. That is something worth praying for.

God help us to look past what we can gain from others in and outside the Body of Christ and lead us to serve in sincere humility. Amen.

From Paul's last words before death:

“Do your best to come to me quickly, or Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus to Dalmatia.
Only Luke is with me.”
-2 Timothy 4:9-11

In Him,

Jean-Marc


Back to home page

iRepent: I Want Jesus to be Enough

Back to home page

I really want Jesus to be enough, but I need help.

Two plus years ago:

I had been in New York for a few days, living in a basement, visually attacked on all sides by what my life had become. Dust, boxes and boxes of junk, strange smells, the ping-pang of the boiler pipes which ran straight through the “room” and the ominous sounds of unidentified scurrying pests, daily reminded me to never get comfortable here. I was a professional and couldn't live like this, so I made a plan for redemption. The first thing I needed was to do research, I needed a laptop.

With the last couple hundred dollars of my savings, I purchased myself a Dell Inspiron 1545 laptop with Windows Vista, sweet Windows Vista. The device fulfilled its goal and a few months later, I was out of that rut.

Two weeks ago:

“My laptop is crap,” I said in embarrassment every time I pulled out that dusty, finger print and body oil smeared, corner-cracked piece of black hard plastic out of my jungle-torn “laptop” bag. I needed it for university, I had Windows 7 but I wasn't in love with it, I really needed a new laptop anyway, maybe an iPad.

And then, it stopped working entirely. All my assignments, purchased music, programs and pictures were on this dead piece of plastic junk. And as was inevitable when bad things happen, I had an essay due.

I shared the story with my less than sympathetic Advanced Expository Writing Professor, “ I think you'll have to lose a letter grade, for turning in your paper late,” our relationship became complicated. “I guess I'll have to write it from scratch,” he was unmoved.

Perhaps it was after I had failed to repair my laptop for the tenth time, or became accustomed to the velocity of Windows XP on the home desktop, circa 2004, but I learned to deal with it. I just accepted that I could not have internet access everywhere I went. I just accepted that I wouldn't have all the fancy graphics. There is a time to accept, or better yet, appreciate our stations in life.

Our world runs on dissatisfaction, the reason our gyms are full, our wallets are not full enough, our job are full of “idiots”, our relationships are full of problems and the Apple store is full of people on a Saturday morning.

I don't so much preach to you, as I sit with you and admit something has gone wrong, but its not everything going on around us, it is in us.

A pastor once sat with an older mentor in the ministry one day and began to pour out his heart. He spoke about all the difficulties involved with planting a church,without a building, without people, without help. The older minister stopped him mid-sentence, “Is Jesus Enough?” he asked.

“Yes, yes, of course, but these are real problems,” and he began to list them in detail.
The older minister politely stopped him again, “everything after that 'but' is a sad excuse for a Savior.”

“Is Jesus Enough?”

“...in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
-2 Corinthians 12:7-10

God Help Us.

Jean-Marc

Back to home page

iRepent: How I Gave Up My Religion

 back to home page

On Tuesday morning, I decided to give up my religion.

I went for my usually run near home, when I came upon a group of teenagers waiting for the bus, I was feeling God's joy that morning and gave out a couple of tracts, even one to a stiff-looking speed walker.

But on my way back home, as I began running past an elderly couple, sitting at a bus stop, I became suddenly aware of what I was supposed to do:

“If you're going to witness, then what about that guy?” I thought looking at the white-haired man in conversation with a lady wheelchair-bound.

“Well, I don't have any tracts left”

“Isn't that a good excuse, do you need tracts to talk about Jesus?” I retorted.

“Well, no...”

“Then what are you waiting for? Just interrupt their conversation”

“But I don't know if that's a good idea”

“What, do you care about what people think about you? Do you want this man to go to hell?”

He had a point. So I stopped running and stood there dumbfounded, unsure of what to do, just a few feet away from the bus stop.

“I don't want him to go to hell”

“Good, then do something about it”

“But it doesn't make sense...I'm gonna keep running”

“You're leaving him?! You're just gonna leave?! Are you ashamed?! Are you scared?! You're gonna regret this! You're gonna regret this!”

“Maybe you're right”

“Of course I'm right, you're blowing it!”

My jog took me past another bench. A portly gentleman with black balding hair perched above his gold glasses kindly waves as I pass him by.

“Please don't be mad, I know I should have stopped”

“I'm sick and tired of hearing about everything you should do. Just do something already!”

“You're right”

“I know I'm right”

“I don't know why God puts up with me”

“Beats me, I thought you were called, but let me...”

And then I heard through my headphones, a word sent from my Savior to me:

“God has two enemies: sin and religion”

-Mark Driscoll

I stopped the internal dialogue and realized my arrogance. If it was my job to save this entire world by myself, then where is God? Did I really think placing God on the sidelines was a holy thing to do? God does ministry, He just provides people the opportunity to take part in it.

I repented of my religion, sort of running, creeping and crying at the same time.

Religion is why you are unable to look at yourself in the mirror and sing, “It is well with my soul.”

Religion is why you are unable to stand certain people when you look at them, because somehow, someway, you got it into your mind that you were better than they were.

Religion is why you would sooner yell at people for their sin, then explain to them their need for a savior.

God has shoulders large enough to carry the world, your problems and some.

God is not looking for substitutes for when He is not feeling well.

God does not want to crush you, He wants to heal you.

The sad truth is many people have come in and out of church, but they've never met Jesus. They've tried to live “good lives” and try to be “good people.” But its a hamster wheel my friends: you just run in circles for really a long time, because you will never, ever, even in your wildest dreams be good enough to justify yourself to God. But the Good News is, you do not have to! You just need to meet Jesus.

No matter who you are, talk to Him and ask for His forgiveness. He will give it!

And when that's done, grab a Bible, open to the book of Mark and read.

“It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners”

-Mark 2:17

-In Him,

Jean-Marc

back to home page

Just Entertainment?: The Hunger Games Movie Review

back to home page

They have called it “mesmerizing”, a “winner”, “the best American Sci-Fi Film since 'The Matrix'” and a blockbuster record-breaker but I call it sick. Now before you write this off as some moralizing sermon, you should know something about the person whom you are reading .

Going into the local cineplex, I was all-too-familiar with the Hunger Games Franchise written by Suzanne Collins about a dystopian future society that forced children into an arena to kill each other for the entertainment of the wealthy Capitol government and its people. In fact, I thoroughly enjoyed the first book and began tearing into the second, all while pushing others to do the same. I am also no bleeding heart when it comes to...well...bleeding. Historically, I have always appreciated a film with a significant element of bloodsport: I watched as Maximus decapitated a fellow combatant in Ridley Scott's Gladiator, it was my favorite part; when Jaguar Paw delivered a head crushing blow to one of his pursuers in Mel Gibson's Apocalypto, resulting in the spurting of brain blood, I gasped ―then cheered. I have even written more than one movie in which the premise has been little more than: one guy kills everybody, horrifically.

But it must have been over an hour into the Hunger Games movie, when yet another child had been fatally maimed, and the person I had attended the film with lost it; a novice to violent cinema, she could barely keep her composure during the film. “This is sick,”she tearfully cried into the air of the dark theater, “What kind of world is this?” “This is sick”

To say the words hit me, would be cliché, but in that moment I asked myself what cinephiles hate to: Why am I watching this? And no morally-sufficient answers came, so I led her out of the theater and demanded our money back from the customer service counter.

“Oh, its just entertainment” I imagine one thinking. It is reported Suzanne Collins came up with the premise while flipping channels on television, between news coverage of the war and reality television. The whole appalling idea behind the Hunger Games is that an entire nation of people would watch the innocent killing of 12-18 year olds as entertainment. By all accounts, the film is an international box-office success―for what reason―because nations of people:logically thinking adults like myself, teens and yes, even children are purchasing movie tickets to watch―the innocent killing of 12-18 year olds as entertainment. The truth is we are the Capitol.

“Oh c'mon, its just fantasy, its not even real, they're paid actors” And isn't that the problem? That film corporations would pay actors and actresses handsomely to portray these stories because they know we will watch? And what effect does this have on the young actors specifically?

Having attempted to make my living in acting at one point, I can tell that your choices effect our work. Sex and violence sell, so someone has to have the sex and someone has to be violated, its just supply and demand. Many are the stories of my female colleagues asked to shed clothing or my male colleagues, myself again included, to portray monster killing machines, a la the Hunger Games' Cato. At what point do we turn off the tap and say 'that's it, this far and no farther'? At what point will we crave peace and purity as much as we apparently crave sex and death? When our hearts change.

In the end, this isn't about the money you paid or didn't, the book you read or wouldn't but about the problem of my and your deep desires. The problem is, that I have been a part of the problem, and if you are honest, you are too―but you don't need to stay in that place.

More importantly than being the second week of the Collins' film release, this week marks the release of our guilt and shame in the person of Jesus Christ. He was in no arena. Had no weapon with which to defend himself. He had to die. For your sinful heart. For my sinful heart. So we would not be pushed and pulled by what others tell us to do, like and condone, but so we could have freedom from unjust influence and bondage.

There are no “odds” with God. No matter what you've done or what's been done to you He still calls for you: hoping and believing that this Easter, you would recognize that when He died for the world―that included you.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
   for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
   for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
   for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
   for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
   for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
   for they will be called children of God.”

-Matthew 5:3-9

In Him,

Jean-Marc

back to home page

A Poem of God's Provision

back to home page

When the birds begin to worry
And the lilies toil and spin,
And God's creatures all are anxious,
Then I also may begin.


For my Father sets their table,
Decks them out in garments fine,
And if He supplies their living,
Will he not provide for mine?


Just as noisy common sparrows
Can be found most anywhere--
Unto some just worthless creatures,
If they perish who would care?


Yet our Heavenly Father numbers
Every creature great and small,
Caring even for the sparrows,
Marking when to earth they fall.


If His children's hairs are numbered,
Why should we be filled with fear?
He has promised all that's needful,
And in trouble to be near.


--Unknown


My Turn...

When the staph infection scabs up

all the skin upon my face,

And I'm tempted to start whining

about depression and disgrace.

My dreams they come in and go now,

Do they matter anymore?

And I pine to travel anywhere,

Far from my Southern door.

Then I get a friendly text, an e-mail, or a call,

A post-marked letter in the mail shows me I'm wrong about it all.

God shows His love through people, through blessings and coffee,

Through thunderous rains that fall outside my home and do not fall on me.

So though my jammed thumb really smarts,

I will try my best to not complain,

For God Himself has provided the ice,

That takes away the pain.

--  In Him,

      Jean-Marc

back to home page

Top Ten Implications of Romans 12:1-8 of the Bible

back to home page

Romans 12

3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his^b faith. 7If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

1. Be realistic about yourself: You can not do everything for every ministry for every person everywhere everyday. You are free to stop setting ridiculous goals for ourselves.
2. You are who You are by the Grace of God: Mourning the person that you never were is a waste of time for yourself and the people God has called you to. Be godly, Be you.
3. You are not the Worst Person in the World: Paul was a man with a painful and sinful history that could have haunted him but He accepted God's grace. Even killers get a second chance.
4. You belong to the Body of Christ: Perhaps your church stinks and your Christian friends do too, you still belong to the Body of Christ. There are brothers and sisters somewhere that you are to watch out for and need to watch out for you; people that you need to love you and that you need to love back.
5. You are Not the Greatest Person in the World: Jesus should be the focus of Christian community, not you.
6. There is a Place for Everyone in the Body of Christ: Dare I say, there is a place for the person in Christian community that is cautious using spiritual jargon and a place for the one that needs to yell “Amen” all throughout service.
7. You Are Now Allowed to Be Kind to Yourself: Some of you were, like me, raised in homes in which you were regularly berated and talked down to, that is not how God speaks to you. God cares about what you have to say and He is not sitting around waiting for you to get your act together. He is working through you and loving you in the process.
8. Yelling at Yourself Will Not Change Things: How has it worked for you so far?
9. Down-talking Others Will Not Change Things: How has it worked for you so far?
10. Jesus Christ Changes Things:

Romans 12
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual^a act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then
you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
In Him,
Jean-Marc
back to home page

God, Inc. and What Prayer Feels Like

What it feels like...

Guy is sitting inside of his car on a hot and sunny day, exhausted from all the pressures upon him.

Guy: (closes eyes in prayer) Oh God!

Speaker box: Sir, please ring the doorbell.

Guy opens his eyes, he has somehow been transported in front of a large building that looks like the White House. On the door, in gold letters it reads: God Inc. There is a speaker mounted above the door.

Guy: What?

The angry New Yorker behind him, taps him on the shoulder.

Angry New Yorker : Hey buddy, we're all waitin' to get inside! Keep the line movin'!

Speaker box: Sir, the doorbell!

Guy rings the doorbell.

Speaker box: Welcome to God Inc.: where God is God and you are not. Please step inside.

Guy steps inside and the door slams behind him.

Speaker box: This transaction will cost you two hours of your time.

Guy: Woah?! I don't have that kinda time.

A receptionist angel greets Guy from behind a large white desk.

Receptionist Angel: Hello. Welcome to God Inc.

Guy: Yes, um, I'm not sure how I got here but I just need to talk to God.

Receptionist Angel: (smiles) Doesn't everybody. Please take a number.

Guy: Number?

Receptionist Angel: Yes (points to her right) over there sir. Grab a number, follow the arrows and have a seat.

Guy: But I just need to talk to God.

Receptionist Angel: And God wants to talk to you because God loves you. Now take a number! (Yells) Next!

Guy reluctantly grabs a number from the ticket machine.

Guy: Four-billion fifty-five?

Guy looks around and notices the arrows on the floor.He follows them down two flight of stairs, through three hallways and up a flight of stairs. He then comes to a door that reads: Incoming Prayers.

Guy:God?

He opens the door to a huge waiting room the size of a football stadium. The front of it is lined with near a hundred receptionist desks.

Guy: This is ridiculous!

Guy walks over and stands in line behind someone nearly finished with their transaction. It is his turn.

Receptionist Angel: (to last person)Thank you, come again. (Looks at Guy)Yes sir, may I help you?

Guy: This number can't be right. This ticket says my number is...

Receptionist Angel: Four-billion fifty-five, the number is based upon your contribution to Kingdom of God.

Guy: Come again?

Receptionist Angel: (pulls out long computer print-out) Well, we do believe in mercy every now and then. Let's see if we can expedite your request. What is the nature of your concern?

Guy: I don't understand.

Receptionist Angel: God is a busy God and it is our job to make sure God's time is not wasted. Concern please?

Guy: Well I...

Receptionist Angel: Are you fighting a giant?

Guy: No.

Receptionist Angel: Fighting an army single-handed?

Guy: No.

Receptionist Angel: Fighting an angry mob of religious officials for the cause of Christ?

Guy: No.

Receptionist Angel: Tsk,tsk. (Marks his paper) That's a demerit. (Looks at Guy) What is the problem then?

Guy: I've just been really discouraged and depressed lately. Y'know, I need a good-paying job and I would like to be married one day and...

Receptionist Angel: (smiles) One thing at a time partner! God is in a meeting with Moses and Elijah right now, but maybe if we look at some of these other categories we may be able to find a quicker time slot for God to meet with you. OK then (picks up list again) let's see here, we'll start off low. The amount of people you brought to salvation in Jesus Christ last week?

Guy: I brought a friend to church last year, but last week...I guess...zero.

Receptionist Angel: (Marks paper) Demerit, this is not looking good. The amount people you prayed for yesterday?

Guy: I prayed for two people...I remember...I prayed for Kate and....

Receptionist Angel: Ooh sorry, we usually don't consider expediting requests for people with anything less than twenty. But, hey, here's an idea: why don't you just smile and wait, and perhaps God will do something for you next year, OK?

Guy: But my family is...

Receptionist Angel: Patience my friend. It'll all work out. Next!

What it is...

Guy: Oh God! I need you!

God: I am here and I am working on your behalf.

Roman 8:28-30:

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

2 Peter 3:9

9The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish...

Keep the Faith.

In Him,

Jean-Marc

Exegesis of my Heart

 Psalm 42
1As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.



Today, my younger sister sat in a hospital bed. There were no decorations in the small room in which the drab green curtain acted as a doorway, just white floor on white wall and a white sink in the corner. She had vomited for the last 12 hours—all she wanted was water, though she could not keep it down. She needed it so bad, the forthcoming IV served as a relief, for even though it pained her to be punctured through the arm by needle, that needle delivered life; water. She could not gulp it in mouthfuls but was willing to glean it from moistened paper towels; water—the bringer of life.
Without God, we dry up, we stop thinking, we stop functioning. He is the IV delivering life in the midst of our disease, and yet He never runs out.



2My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?



I long for Heaven so much, because I am convinced Earth has no idea what to do with me. I can not drink until I pass out, for God uses me sober, I can not use women to satisfy my biological needs, for God needs me to be holy—imperfect but striving. I do not fall for certain tricks but am learning to build barriers and boundaries around the things I do fall for. I just want to see God already. I want to stop feeling left out and self-conscious, I long for the perfect peace I last knew in a baby's ignorance, I long for Heaven and a Father that never disappoints me.



3My tears have been my food
day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”



Have you ever been so disturbed that you could not eat? There is such pain so connected to our inner parts, when aggravated it feels like a drill through the chest. There is such gloom that invades one's heart that the legs refuse to function, the arms fling soullessly with all attempts at motion and the eyes would rather be kept shut, damning the entire body to the darkness it feels.
Jesus Christ is not a theological concept to encourage morality, He is our brother in suffering, our advising friend in difficulty and our God that strengthens the legs of those He loves to walk confidently upon the stormy waters before us
.
4These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.



How beautiful it was to worship God when it was all easy. How great it was to learn about forgiveness when there were yet people who trampled my name into the pavement and made church uncomfortable. A 'crisis of faith' is a significant event in a believer's life, when the Word collides with your walk. The underlying question becomes, what place does God have in your life. It's all or nothing.



5Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and

Remember how your morning began with God's blessings, from style of clothing, to the ruffled sheets of your bed, to the way the creamy canned milk and coffee collaborated with poured sugar to deliver a pleasing taste to your mouth—you are surrounded by the palace of the Lord's favor built tile by tile from undeserved blessings. He has provided.

Feed the fire of your faith with the encouragement of your heart. Override your fluctuating emotions with the Truth of God in your life and from His Word. Remember the depths from which God saved you and how you have matured since then. You may not be where you want to be but thank God, you are not where you used to be.

6my God.
My^c soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.



“my God.” As if David, were drowning in the ocean, fighting to scream out a single phrase in the hopes of rescue before falling to the depths of the sea driven by the burden of his own weight. The love of Christ, the presence of God is what buoys us above our tempestuous environments.
The soul cries out for what will keep it alive. Our souls will be restless until they find their rest in Him.

In Him,

Jean-Marc

A/theist Creed

As we age into the faith, I find that honest consideration of our beliefs, occurs less often than necessary. I present the following, for the purpose of starting a conversation. If you disagree, then why and on what is it based?

There I was, eating a sandwich at 11:20ish AM Leap Wednesday morning, when my eyes did exactly what happens as a lovely woman walks by. Captivated by the message "Know Thyself" up on a wall nearby, there appeared further wisdom scattered about it. The glass between I and it served as no barrier. Opening the double doors and submitting to my urge for consumption, I read:

A/theist Creed

I don't believe in a God who is safe, gentle and passive.

I don't believe in a God who calls His people to all things comfortable and easy.

I don't believe in a God who is not good in every way.

I don't believe in a God that in His entirety, His intentions, methods, feelings, will and works can be bound between leather.

I don't believe that God's Word, the Bible, is itself His answer to our questions.

I don't believe in a God contained with or limited by man's ability to reconcile His (God's) seemingly contradictory and paradoxical nature.

I don't believe in a God that I can understand.

I don't believe in a God who created a broken world only to leave it behind and watch it from on high, indifferent to its struggle and strife for life.

I don't believe in a God who compromises His justice to accommodate a man who has done "good" but not accepted God's means of salvation (Christ).

I don't believe in a God who desires anything less than our deepest well-being and joy.

I don't believe in a God who isn't awful, fearsome and even dangerous.

I don't believe in a God who is anything short of wild and crazy to love.

I don't believe in a God who isn't love, a God, with whom my relationship could be anything less than a love affair.

-Jon Geniesse

Prayer of An Anxious Heart on A Gray Morning

Lord God,

I thank you for the breath in my lungs and that you always hear me, but I need you now in a special way. I am still waiting for your purpose to be revealed in my my life, help me to see that my prayers are like a file in a cabinet and not a football pass. God you never miss the ball. Even though I feel like I've been alone for a while now, I'll hold onto to memories of those times when you were so close I could feel your hand on my shoulder.

Please show me where you are Lord. I'm doing what you ask me to do but I don't see anything. Every day in my Bible courses, there are students with the same prayer requests: cancer, death, foreclosure, suicide, abandonment and divorce—show up in a big way God. How about an angel? Could you send us an angel Lord? Nevertheless, build our faith Jesus, that we may see the evidence of your work in everything.

I pray for my family: many of them know you in their heads but don't live it out, because they treat me worse than balled up toilet paper. Open up opportunities so that I can speak life into their anger and depression. Make me an ambassador of Heaven.

Thank You Lord for these simple trials because they remind me that I'm an alien here. I'm a foreigner that'll never quite fit in, but that's OK. I will find peace in you and the knowledge that us foreigners number in the millions. We will wait on you Lord.

Please clothe me in your armor of light and strengthen me for this day.

Amen.

Thank God He's Not People

Do you ever tire of being under another person's critical judgment? It can be very discouraging to much of the growth you've made throughout life, to watch yourself be this stringent judge of your own mannerisms, dress and etc., as you're reminded by others of your supposed unworthiness.

Sunday came as it usually does, reminding me that the weekend was coming to a close (or was just beginning, depending on your critical preference) and I had one of those obligations to see to. Its the kind in which you must attend a family friend from many years ago's wedding in order to show the community of your past, at large, that the fact you never call any of them is no indication of the ill-will stored in your heart.

I exited the car in a suit rushed on my bodice at the last moments of decision. Looking as the Joker incarnate, pastel purple button-up to match, I entered the small church at the end of a field torn to dirt, an accurate description of what was soon to be my insides.

All eyes shot in my direction, bullets dead-on the target of my heart. If they had been dogs, I feel confident to say they would have snarled. This place was filled with years of my life gone by:people I played tag with, co-starred in plays with and started ministry ventures with—all angry, somehow my consistent breathing had disappointed them. My insecurities could have filled a journal, nevertheless I did all expected of me: “Hey, what's up,” smile, “I haven't seen you in forever,” smile, smile.

What could I have possibly done to deserve this behavior? To quote the wisdom of my three sisters at once: “Who cares?”

We will disappoint people regularly—one thing we can guarantee of ourselves in this life.

Let's just make sure that we as believers we don't make the mistake of seeing God in the same way. God has known us before we were thoughts floating in the back of someone's mind and yet He will never turn on us. He never needs us to crawl into a corner and hope for his forgiveness, He says we can boldly come before his throne.

“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
-Hebrews 4:16



Thank God He's not people.



In Him,
Jean-Marc

Top Ten Reasons to Embrace Marriage before the Millennial Reign by H. Kinker

Every once in a while you get an article response worth posting. This is my friend Haley Kinker responding to my "Top Ten Reason to Stay a Bachelorette/Bachelor 'Til the Rapture" piece.

Top Ten Reasons to Embrace Marriage before the Millennial Reign

by Haley Kinker

10.) You get more done with more hands. 

It’s a common falsehood to think that marriage will cause you to lose all sense of productivity. If you marry someone with God’s blessing they will not be working against you, but with you. You could read through books together, and have someone to bounce opinions off of.

9.) Fulfilling God's design for Humanity.

I am of the opinion that soul mates do not exist. There are many of the “right kinds” of people that God has for you. Once you consummate your marriage, you become soul mates. Marriage is actually an act of worship when done in the way God designed it, because marriage is in fact, God designed.

8.) Know Yourself Better

It’d be naïve to say that marriage will fulfill all your fairytale dreams with a prince and princess running away into a world of happily ever afters. However, the right spouse will draw out your best attributes and vice versa. As my Aunt always says, “loving someone is about choosing to see what makes a person beautiful and focusing on that, instead of tearing them down with pointing out all their faults. Love makes people want to be better, and a godly spouse can help you find the unique purpose God created you for. 

 

7.) An accountability partner 

 

A spouse is not to be a nag, a parent, or a ruler, but rather a God-given blessing that can make you want to be holier and closer to the Lord because when you get home at night you are looking at more than just your own face in the mirror. When two people are in love, its like looking into a mirror with each one seeing the other's deepest desires and struggles. You may hide from the rest of the world, but God keeps you accountable through them.

6.) You’ll make the most valuable investment of your life.

Anything is going to look dreadful if you focus on what you are losing, but it becomes something to celebrate when you realize all that you will gain. You have the opportunity to invest in the life of someone else, to leave a legacy with your children that will far surpass the number of years in your life’s journey.

5.) New Dreams

When two fully-alive individuals unite in marriage, common interests and dreams are typically birthed in their hearts. Common interests are often something that attracts two people together. So now you have that best friend to ski with in Switzerland, to backpack across Ireland, to cook dinner with at night, and share your hopes and dreams with. You can still spend time with your individual friends, but marriage is a great chance to solidify a new friendship built through laughter and fun. 

 

4.) Motivation to Strive for the Best

Marriage is a new chapter, but not the last one! I will once again quote one of the wisest people I know, my aunt. She always says, “Just because you’re married does not mean you’re done dating.” Seeing your spouse’s face first thing in the morning and the last thing at night should grow in your heart an increased desire to stay in your best shape, and to continually pursue the other. Love is a mystery, in that two people who have been married for decades will still say that they still find out new things about their significant other every day. Genuine love really is a bottomless bowl, a delightful mystery that brings out our best.

3.) The opportunity to put feet to your faith.

Marriage is not going to be about you. It takes two mature individuals who care more about the other than themselves. John 12:24 says, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies; it bears much fruit.” Christ called us to die to ourselves, but too often we mistake that for a one-time event. Initially, it may be so. But dying to yourself is a daily process that allows Christ to be more glorified in your weakness. Marriage is a great way to be forced to die daily. Your life is no longer about you, and you will have to die to the individualistic “me first” mentality that plagues our culture. This will be of benefit not only to your marriage, but in ministry and life because marriage teaches service.

2.) A New Family!

Crazy in-laws are a common anxiety of newly-weds. What about the bride’s mother who shows up the day after the honey moon to help you “settle in?” Two families coming together is going to be difficult, but if it’s easy, it’s probably not maturing you in any way. If Christians began to see a new family as a new mission field I believe God would bless that. And who says everyone has crazy in-laws?

1.) “Be More Holy & Closer to God”

As Ephesians 5:31-32 says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church…” Paul himself had the gift of singleness, but he realized not all did. Marriage is not designed to be a burden, but a holy covenant meant to glorify the Lord in the unity of his creation just as he intended it to be. Marriage is a gift to be graciously accepted.

-Haley Kinker  writes for the blog "The Winepress"
She is also a Ministry and English Major attending Southeastern University in Lakeland, FL

The Virgin Confessions

The Virgin Confessions (Matthew 25:1-13)

by Jean-Marc Saint Laurent

Virgin 6: Sister (taps Virgin 1) Sister!

Virgin 1: Yes?

Virgin 6: Why are you humming?

Virgin 1: Why, I am humming the wedding song.

Virgin 6: But why are you doing it? And please don''t say it.

Virgin 1: Dear sister, the Bridegroom is...

Virgin 6: (imitates sister's high-pitch) The Bridegroom, the Bridegroom!You sound like mother.

Virgin 1: Please, just wait and trust that He will come for us.

Virgin 6: Trust in who?! A man I have never seen?!

Virgin 2: (lazily) We are trying to sleep.

Virgin 6: (to Virgin 2) Then go home! You ladies must really have nothing better to do, if you are willing to sit out here, waiting in the dark for some Prince to show up!

Virgin 2: (mumbles) Grouchy (attempts to fall back asleep)

Virgin 1: Sister, do not let your faith be shaken. We have seen the completion of the lovely palanquin that will carry us into the banquet.

Virgin 6: Big deal.

Virgin 1: We have seen the whole town preparing for the seven days of feasting.

Virgin 6: So what?

Virgin 1:And to top it all off, the Bridegroom Himself has chosen us ten to enjoy in His riches for the rest of our lives.

Virgin 6: Yeah? Well I could use some of those benefits right about now, but he ain't here! You can go ahead and look dumb and foolish. But the rest of us know better...me and four other girls didn't even bring oil for our lamps; we're just here out of obligation. Don't you expect us to actually care about someone that has likely forgotten us!

Virgin 1: I understand your reasoning, but you never looked deep into His eyes. If you saw them, then you would know that only truth could reside there. He is coming back— a few of us still choose to believe His Word.

Virgin 6: Whatever, I'm at least going to get some sleep (closes her eyes).

Hours Later...

Townspeople: HERE'S THE BRIDEGROOM! COME OUT TO MEET HIM!

Virgin 1: The Bridegroom is here my friends! Quickly, trim your lamps with oil! (Lights lamp and runs toward bridal carriage)

Virgin 6: (waking up) Wa...wait. Wait. Wait! Someone grab a lit lamp!(Looks around) They're getting away! The Bridegroom! Does anyone have oil?!

Virgin 4: (Lighting lamp) Sorry, not enough oil to share.(Charges toward bridal carriage) I'm here! I'm ready for the feast!

Virgin 8: No oil! (crying) We are ruined! Didn't I say this would happen?!

Virgin 7: The Bridegroom!

Virgin 10: He's leaving us!

Virgin 9: We must all learn to work the land now! (lifts hands) Imagine, these delicate hands...working!(crying)

Virgin 6: (Watches the bridal party leave) (speaks to herself)Why did I stop believing?

-May we continue to trust Jesus and wait in expectancy of His Word coming true in our lives.

In Him,

Jean-Marc