Do you ever tire of being under another person's critical judgment? It can be very discouraging to much of the growth you've made throughout life, to watch yourself be this stringent judge of your own mannerisms, dress and etc., as you're reminded by others of your supposed unworthiness.
Sunday came as it usually does, reminding me that the weekend was coming to a close (or was just beginning, depending on your critical preference) and I had one of those obligations to see to. Its the kind in which you must attend a family friend from many years ago's wedding in order to show the community of your past, at large, that the fact you never call any of them is no indication of the ill-will stored in your heart.
I exited the car in a suit rushed on my bodice at the last moments of decision. Looking as the Joker incarnate, pastel purple button-up to match, I entered the small church at the end of a field torn to dirt, an accurate description of what was soon to be my insides.
All eyes shot in my direction, bullets dead-on the target of my heart. If they had been dogs, I feel confident to say they would have snarled. This place was filled with years of my life gone by:people I played tag with, co-starred in plays with and started ministry ventures with—all angry, somehow my consistent breathing had disappointed them. My insecurities could have filled a journal, nevertheless I did all expected of me: “Hey, what's up,” smile, “I haven't seen you in forever,” smile, smile.
What could I have possibly done to deserve this behavior? To quote the wisdom of my three sisters at once: “Who cares?”
We will disappoint people regularly—one thing we can guarantee of ourselves in this life.
Let's just make sure that we as believers we don't make the mistake of seeing God in the same way. God has known us before we were thoughts floating in the back of someone's mind and yet He will never turn on us. He never needs us to crawl into a corner and hope for his forgiveness, He says we can boldly come before his throne.
-Hebrews 4:16
Thank God He's not people.
In Him,
Jean-Marc
I'm currently in a season where I've said that very same thing several times; "Thank God He is not people".
ReplyDeleteAmen!
So true brother. Thank you for reading.
ReplyDelete