How to Stop Porn Addiction – One Powerful Technique to Help You Stop Watching Porn
From feedtherightwolf.org, Monday, May 17th, 2010 at
8:22 am
What I am about to share with you does work. I am a recovering porn addict. Three years ago, event though I made a decision to stop, I couldn’t go a week without watching pornography or masturbating. In the past 3 years I was able to stop watching porn for periods ranging from 3-9 months at a time. And I have not masturbated in over 2.5 years.
| I never though that porn
addiction is real, but after reading the info on this site I now truly
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In the following article I share my struggles with pornography and what I did to break free. For more in depth version I recommend our Free Recovery Course.
The article is organized in 8 major parts. In parts 1-3 I share my understanding of porn craving. In part 4 I share a very powerful technique that allowed me to stop porn addiction. And in parts 5-8 I list some tips for long term recovery.
1. Pornography Is Not Just a Bad Habit!
A first major component in my own recovery was an understanding that pornography viewing was not just a bad habit. It was an obsessive compulsive cycle (see Figure 1 below) from which I was not able to break free. It usually started with an unwanted sexual thought that I would try to avoid for as long as I could.
Figure 1. Obsessive Compulsive Cycle of Pornography Addiction
Unfortunately, trying NOT to think about something never really
worked for me, and eventually I would get to a point where thoughts
would get so intense that I couldn’t handle the pressure any longer.
Then I would go back to the only way that I knew to make sexual thoughts
temporarily go away – watching pornography and masturbating.After sexual acting out I would slowly come back to my senses and realize what have happened. I would feel guilt for being so weak and giving in and I would swear to never do it again!
Unfortunately over time I would find sexual thoughts coming back, and since I didn’t know how to handle them in a healthy way, the whole cycle would repeat itself.
Clearly fighting my sexual desires only made them come back stronger and faster, and I began to rely more on pornography and masturbation to help me get a temporary relieve.
Eventually this cycle got completely out of control to the point where I would have to spending most of my day watching porn. My brain got so used to regular imagery that I would have to seek out really hard core pornography in order to temporary satisfy my desires, and allow me to return to my normal state.
In other words, I found that the more I fed my porn addiction, the stronger it got.
2. No Craving Can Last Forever!
The second component that I learn was an understanding that any human feeling, including cravings, cannot last forever. In actuality any physiological impulse is shaped like a bell curve (see figure 2 below).
At first cravings starts out slow but grow exponentially until they get really intense. Somewhere along this path most of addicts would end up giving in. As the result they get used to an idea that they could never get past their cravings and that their cravings will eventually get so strong, that they will have no choice but to give in.
Figure 2. Craving Curve
In actuality human beings cannot sustain any emotion or feelings
indefinitely, and eventually any feeling or craving will decrease.So the trick to stopping porn addiction is to learn to ride out cravings; to master a skill to stay away long enough for cravings to go away. This of course sounds simple, but as many addicts know it is not as easy to do.
Below I am going to share a technique with you that have helped me do just that. But first let me show you a few simple physiological signals that can be used to measure how strong our craving really is.
3. Physiological Signs of a Strong Craving
It is important to know certain physiological changes that begin to take place in human body when they experience strong desire to watch porn and/or masturbate compressively. Such changes include:
- Rapid Pulse
- Increased blood pressure
- Dilated Eyeballs
- Shallow Breath
We can learn our pulse rate during normal state and then use this information to recognize if our pulse is getting too high. Therefore pulse can serve as an easy to measure indicator that we are about to get out of control. At the same time we can use pulse measurement to let us know that we are exiting the danger zone and that the physical craving begins to decrease.
Another very important component that is easy to observe is our breath. Breath is the only subconscious bodily function that we can consciously control. Think about it! You cannot control your blood pressure, you cannot control you pulse, but you can control your breath. You can take slow, deep, controlled breaths, and through that you can have a direct effect on your subconscious mind. This is a very powerful key to stopping porn addiction!
4. Killing the Craving
So let’s move right into action. The technique that I used to help me overcome the craving is called Exposure and Response Prevention or ERP and is generally used for Obsessive Compulsive disorder and other psychological problems. It’s been around for a very long time, tons of people use it, and it is very effective. I’ve originally learned this technique from a book called “Kill the Craving” which uses ERP to help people with alcohol and drug addictions, and I slightly modified the approach to help me overcome porn addiction.
The key idea of this technique is to systematicallyexpose yourself to situations that would usually cause you to feel a strong craving and practice responding to this craving in a healthy way. This practice allows our subconscious mind to learn a healthy response mechanism by the time we are faced with a real craving.
Over time you will learn that cravings do not rule your life, and that there is a way for you to ride out a craving and return to your normal self without having to act out. And the high that you get from feeling proud of yourself will be much stronger than any high that you could possibly get from porn addiction.
ERP works in the following way. You first identify a trigger, and as soon as you feel the physiological response from your body, you measure your pulse rate, which you would likely find to be a bit higher than your normal pulse. After that you immediately shift into a controlled breathing exercise to calm your subconscious mind. Next you review your personal motivation statements, to remind yourself of all the positive things that you can bring into your life if you were not to act out. Then you measure your pulse again, and note the difference. Last but not least, you follow up with an act of self care. Let’s look at those steps a little more closely.
Step 1 – Identify or imagine the triggering situation.
While ERP is very effective with helping you overcome a real trigger, it will not be as helpful unless you have already practiced it continuously before facing the real danger. Therefore I recommend a commitment of at least 30 days with complete ERP practice being done the first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
A quick note on sources of trigger is due here. The book that I’ve mentioned earlier “Kill the Craving” recommended alcohol and drug addicts to look at photographs of their addictive substances in order to generate an addictive response. This approach, however, did not seem practical for porn addiction, because looking at addictive images was precisely what I was trying to avoid.
I solved this conflict by creating a strong mental image of myself in a triggering situation instead of looking at actual photography. For example I would imagine myself being alone with computer, or passing by a magazine stand at the store.
Our brain is not able to tell the difference between a vivid mental image and a real life situation, and will produce a similar physiological response. That way Exposure and Response Prevention techniques can be practiced in a safe environment, without having to expose yourself to the real danger.
If at any time during the day you begging to feel a strong craving and a desire to act out, follow up with an extra ERP exercise. Personally, at first I found myself doing 3-5 ERP exercises per day, but soon was able to get through most of my days with only 1 or 2 exercises.
Step 2 – Measure your pulse rate as soon as you observe your body begin to change.
It is easier to measure your pulse for 15 seconds and multiply it times four. Follow this link to download a quick reference chart that will help you to quickly convert your pulse rate and keep the record of your progress.
It is likely that measuring your pulse rate may feel like a burden at first, but after a few days of ERP practice you will get used to it and it will become very easy.
Also, after 5 to 10 days of regular ERP practice you may notice that your pulse rate will not change as much as it did at first from you merely imagining a triggering situation. Please do not use this as an excuse to go look for more triggering stuff. After all it is the sole purpose of ERP practice to train your body not to react addictively to triggers. Therefore, take the decrease pulse rate as a sign of progress, and continue your practice for at least 30 days to allow new habit to form. (It takes about 30 days of repeating a certain task for human beings to form a habit)
Step 3 – Perform Controlled Breathing Exercise.
After you record your pulse rate, follow up with a controlled breathing exercise. Simply, breathe in for 10 seconds, hold your breath for 10 seconds, and breathe out for 10 second. Repeat it 10 times.
I use my fingers that I keep resting on my knees to keep the count of my breaths, tapping each finger for one of ten counts. That way I can free up my mind from counting and concentrate on breathing.
Remember that our breathing is the only subconscious function that we can control through our conscious effort. Do not overlook this step.
Step 4 – Review Personal Motivational Statements.
Next you review your personal statements. You will have to do a little homework on this. Just sit down and write down all of the reasons why you want to get sober. Why do you want to stop watching porn? What positive changes would it bring into your life? What negative consequences will you be able to avoid?
Answers to these questions must be able to touch the bottom of your soul. When I read mine I can literally feel the Goosebumps! That is how badly you need to want to stop this addiction and get the good things in your life. If you are not going to feel the Goosebumps and if it is not going to touch your soul, it is just not going to be strong enough to make you choose life instead of porn when you will be faced with real temptation.
Some of the statements that I used were: My dreams of having a wife and a child will come true if I walk away. I will be stronger and more in control if I walk away. I will regain my self-respect and dignity if I walk away. My family will be proud of me if I walk away. I will be able to look into people’s eyes, and feel proud of myself if I walk away. You can download 30 sample stamens here.
I had each of my reasons written on 3 by 5 cards, which I would read out loud to myself during each ERP practice. Cards allowed me to be doing (i.e. moving the cards), reading and hearing the message at the same time. Human beings learn the best by combination of action, seeing and hearing. (We learn even better by teaching something that we already know to somebody else. So when you get a handle on ERP practice yourself, try to teach it to another addict).
Step 5 – Re-measure your pulse rate.
When you first begin your ERP practice, you might notice that your pulse rates remain the same between steps 2 and 5. Sometimes you may even find it going up a little. It is normal. Over time you will learn to decrease your pulse rate, and you will be able to bring yourself back to your normal state. Ideally you should be able to decrease your pulse rate from its highest point by about 4 to 8 bits per minute.
Additionally, as I mentioned earlier, overtime you will notice that your pulse rate in step 2 will not be getting as high as it did at first in reaction to the triggers. This will be a sign of your progress.
Step 6 – Follow up with an act of self care.
This is also a very important step. You have to do something good for yourself. Preferable you need to get out of the house.
For my first 30 days I would go out and jog after my morning practice. And if I felt the craving again during the day, I would do another ERP exercise and follow up with a different act of self care, like cooking a healthy meal, journaling, or taking a nap. After my evening practice my act of self care was simply to go to bed early. You can view a list of 67 healthy things to do for fun.
5. One Technique is Not Enough!
I want to share one short story with you that helped me to put everything together and stop watching porn for good. Exposure and Response Prevention technique is great, but I think it would not have gotten the job done if it was used alone. Anyway, here is the story:
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.So I thought what can I do to feed the right wolf? The answer was not as obvious as it might seem.
“One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Over time I came to a conclusion that if I took a good care of myself, my good wolf will be stronger, and my bad wolf will be weaker. Therefore in addition to the daily practice of Exposure and Response Prevention, I committed to the following rules:
- 8 hours of sleep a day
- Eating Healthy (3 meals, and 2 snacks a day)
- Drink plenty of water (at least 8 glasses a day)
- Journaling about my triggers
- Meditating
- Morning and Evening Prayer
- Avoiding Dangerous Situations (think acronym HALT)
- Hungry
- Angry
- Lonely
- Tired
Soon after you’ll stop porn addiction, you will become able to get in touch with your true feelings. While this might sound like a good thing, you could find those true feelings to be unpleasant.
Chances are you’ve used your addiction for a very long time to escape discomforts of life, and when you take away this crutch, you might feel the full weight of your past mistakes.
Just realize that this pain is a temporary. Use this pain as a guide to identify what areas of your life need improvements, so you can face them and get the life that you truly deserve.
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