I don't want to write about it, so I guess I'll type. Because someone needs to talk about it.
Looking for a job sucks.
Add my voice to the collection of audible daily anger out there, but it does.
The most excruciating thing these days is that I am attempting to walk unencumbered by the past.
Y'know I said something like this over BBQ sausage and ribs at some overrated smoke spot in the West Village:
"Its like most people spend their entire life being pushed by things they can't see, all the stuff that behind them"
And that's what stinks about the job search: not the lack of call backs
or lengthy denial e-mails with "Thank You" in the subject line, but that
sitting there on the screen of my laptop, beside the blinking cursor of
death, is what I'm supposed to have done with my life.
"Now that's not fair", I'm eager to scream, "I'm more than someone's assistant! in the year 2011"
That half year hiatus between the university job and the professional
gig I held, represent a whole mess of growth in my life: I went from
having no way out of occupational slavery to no way back in.
I wonder if that's how people with tattoos feel: "I wanted to express my
new-found freedom and faith," I'm sure they would say, though all I see
is the imprint of a decorative cross or a butterfly.
The phrase I hate most, sounds most true at this time: "It is What it Is"
Your actions are what people have access to: your cold hard crappy
actions, only you know your own heart. Employers can't read my potential
off the page, they read the black and white of what I've done.
But God is not like that. If He was I would be worse than dead right now.
He put me on this foggy path and He sees where I'm going. He calls to me
through the haze, biding me come forward. Each step I take is further
from what I know, though closer to Him.
I am going to have start living by faith and not by sight.
Hmm...sounds familiar.
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