Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Dear Christians: Drink Up, On Me




I didn't ever really believe I was a legalist. I just thought I wrote about them.

I sat there, surrounded by ministry leaders, being stared at, for what I decided to share:

I didn't drink around unbelievers.

“Why?” The first pastor asked with a bewilderment akin to if I'd told him I impersonated dalmatians on Tuesdays.

“Well, I just...(crap, I need an answer)...I wouldn't want it to effect my witness.” Pleased for a millisecond, I inched backward, hoping to recline once more in the comfort of my black leather seat.

“But, why would that ruin your witness?”

Damnit.

Oops. Fiddlesticks.

“Well...I...”

My eyes searched frantically for something, anything to ground my mind, so it'd run to the answer. I mean, there had to be an answer, like, I'm one of the most calculated and logical people I know, there had to be an answer.

Crap.

“....wow, I guess...I don't know”

I hated the vulnerability of being unsure, this is not the Jean-Marc I had hoped to present. I wanted to speak in tweet-able phrases, I wanted to be remembered as a theological rock of wisdom. I didn't want to be the kid that needed to get his act together.

So...I was...and I wasn't.

The room lit up with story telling and thought provocation. Our understanding of Scripture was tested both extrinsically and introspectively: us and ourselves. Discussion was good, but in all frankness, I am still licking my imaginary wounds.

Oh how I need to be right in the eyes of man, how I thirst for their validation. That is why I kept my Sabbaths, to be seen as good before men.

I am a brother to Pharisees, my religion killed Jesus, and it still does.

I still don't understand grace, I admit this with shame. I do not understand how actions do not make me better in God's eyes. Surely, He was keeping score all this time. Right?

Were they right, is it hypocrisy to say that wine with dinner at home is OK but drinking in public was different?

I won't even touch that bomb.

Let's just continue to do what we do to the glory of God.

Oh God, quell this judgmental spirit within me.

Show me how much you love me.

Save me from choking myself.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.”
-Psalm 51:10

In Him,

Jean-Marc 



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